The Australian Open is officially underway, which means Fashion Face-offs are right around the corner. A concerned reader advised me to write a couple of “warm-up” posts before tackling the face-offs. I guess it’s been so long I might hurt myself. So here’s a nice, gentle stretch of a post to ease back into things…

Last night was kind of crazy, wasn’t it? The Super Bowl and the Australian Open starting at the same time. It was hard to know what to watch—there were a lot of GOAT storylines between those two events.

Serena won her first-round match in her quest to eclipse Margaret Court’s grand slam record and become the undisputed GOAT.

Djokovic played last night as well, looking to close the GOAT gap between him and 20-slammers Federer and Nadal.

And Tom Brady won yet another Super Bowl, although I’m not sure who he’s competing with at this point. I think he’s got that GOAT thing pretty well wrapped up.

There’s not much I can add to the GOAT debates. Instead, I’ll offer up a different mammalian superlative: the STOAT.

If you love crossword puzzles (looking at you, Karla) or are just a smarty-pants, you’ll recognize stoat as the weasel-like animal whose coat turns white in the winter. Here he is in his summer outfit:

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And here are his winter whites, when he’s also known as an ermine.

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Kind of cute, isn’t he?

Only we’re talking about a different STOAT, namely, the Stupidest Trophy Of All Time.

I have a spreadsheet where I save blog post ideas, and one of them is for a Fashion Face-off for tennis trophies. As with the majors, after deciding the best-looking trophy, we’d go on to vote on the worst. Trust me, there are some doozies out there.

But if I ever get around to writing that blog, we’ll have to settle on picking the runner-up. The worst of the worst was decided last week. Nothing can beat the shellacked marsupial board presented to Ash Barty at the Yarra Valley Classic.

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God bless Ash Barty. Is she a good sport or what?

A trophy this remarkable really ought to have a name. The Wimbledon’s ladies’ champion wins The Venus Rosewater Dish, so in keeping with the culinary theme, I’m going to suggest The Wombat Platter.

Can you come up with a better name? I doubt it, but a can of tennis balls to you if you do.

Did you watch the Super Bowl or the Australian Open? Who’s the GOATiest GOAT, Serena or Tom?

8 thoughts on “On GOATs and STOATs

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  1. Awesome blog. Funny, occasionally insightful. You offer range. You show depth and superficiality in one fell swoop. I think we need the Deb Mead award for moments when we can go deep and shallow in a heart beat. Anyone second that idea? If we like it, we can consider what the award should look like. I vote against marsupials.

    1. I’ll second this idea. I can’t think of what a shallow but deep trophy theme would be. A mirror? Quicksand?

    1. Apparently they’re quite aggressive, though. You’re supposed to give wide berth to one in the wild, no matter how cuddly it looks. The one on the board is probably safe, though.

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