A Review of Sugarpova

As a blog writer, I enjoy incredible perks. A platform for writing whatever I want. An excuse to watch even more tennis than I otherwise would. Free tennis gear that companies want me to review.

Yeah, that last one hasn’t happened yet. (Hey, Nike! Send me some free stuff and I promise to can the snark about your Smurf clothes!)

While I wait for the swag to start rolling in, I’ll review cheap stuff I can afford to buy myself, starting with Maria Sharapova’s candy line, Sugarpova.

For those who like to save the world while they snack, a portion of every purchase of Sugarpova candy goes toward “helping children across the world achieve their dreams.” As mission statements go, that’s pretty vague and uninspiring. Fortunately for me, altruism is way down on my list of criteria for food.

My first criterion–possibly my only criterion–is taste. So let’s proceed to the taste-test results for two Sugarpova products: Sporty and Flirty. (At least I think those are the names. Or are the names “The Taste of Victory” and “Lips Like Sugar”? Am I the only one who finds the packaging confusing?)

Sporty

How cute are these tennis ball-shaped gumballs? They’d make excellent stocking stuffers or hostess gifts for a tennis team party. (Okay, I guess I have a second food criterion: appearance.)

Before ordering Sugarpova Sporty, I read some Amazon customer reviews that panned the gumballs as too hard, so I bit into my piece with caution. No problems on that score, so perhaps those Amazon reviewers got a bad batch. Or maybe Serena spent her maternity leave posting anonymous reviews.

A few chews later, the flavor kicked in. It reminded me strongly of Fruit Stripes gum. In grad school, I had a minor obsession with Fruit Stripes, and my boyfriend (now husband) used to leave packs of it in my mailbox at school. It made me so happy to see that brightly colored pack shining amid all the drab department mail.

I go through periodic phases of food mania. Fruit Stripes. Orange soda. Right now I’m in a curious Minute Rice phase–not a stir-fry, mind you, just a plain old bowl of white Minute Rice. (I’m not proud of this.)

A food phase can last months, but when it’s over, it’s over. And sadly, I’m over Fruit Stripes.

Even if I weren’t, Sporty’s flavor vanishes after five minutes. At that point you might as well be chewing a Post-It. It may be unfair to knock Sugarpova Sporty for its fleeting flavor, since most fruity gum suffers from this problem. But it certainly doesn’t go in the plus column, especially when a 5-ounce bag costs $9.

I enlisted my husband and daughter in my taste test. Neither were impressed, with my daughter even declining to chew her piece for its full five-minute lifespan. On a scale of 1-10, Sporty scored an average of 4.7. (Despite the score, it really would make a fun gift.)

Flirty

After trying the gum, I knew what the final line for my blog post would be: Maria, don’t quit your day job. Not very original, but still an excellent way to end the review.

Unfortunately, her Flirty candy forced me to rethink things. These multi-colored lip-shaped treats are surprisingly good! Like Gummi Bears on steroids, the Flirty lips pop with juicy flavor. Not only did my husband like the piece I forced him to try, he went back for a second. And a third. Very unusual behavior for a guy who rarely indulges in sweets.

Flirty earned an average score of 8.2 in our three-person poll. This actually seems pretty low, considering how quickly we polished off the bag.

Bottom line: Buy Sporty for your tennis-loving friends, but buy Flirty for yourself!

And, Maria? Maybe it’s okay to quit that day job, after all.

 

Get Sporty for $8.99 at amazon-sporty and Flirty, also $8.99, at amazon-flirty.

7 thoughts on “A Review of Sugarpova

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  1. I love this post! Those little tennis balls are so adorable. They are definitely worth it for appearance. I can easily see them on cupcakes or a birthday cake for any tennis fan. Too bad the taste isn’t good, but I agree that gum loses its flavor quickly.

    The Flirty lips sound much better…but the idea of multicolored lips leave me less excited from an appearance perspective. Why not tennis racquets? Lips may be her thing, but I like the tennis tie-ins better.

    Kudos to your family for doing the taste test with you. And good job on the Juicy Fruit gifts in grad school! No wonder you married him!

    I think Sharapova should keep her day job for now. Perhaps she can shift to the confection business when she retires.

    In the meantime, thanks for the review. But even if Nike starts sending you gear to review, you should not stop calling them out for their Smurfs. After all, snark is what your readers love!

    1. Omg, I love the idea of decorating cakes and cupcakes with the gumballs! So creative! (You’d have to warn everyone not to eat them, though–they’d taste terrible with cake.)

      I don’t know why she’s focusing on lips. Maybe she thinks everyone wants to kiss her? It’s probably true for half the population. In fact, the tag line on the back of the package says something like “Enjoy flavorful kisses…from my lips to yours.” I’m totally butchering that quote, but it was something along those lines.

      She might have other tennis-themed candies. I didn’t look at all the available options. But what else could you have after the ball and the racquet? A sneaker, I guess. What else?

      Sharapova lost in the first round of Wimbledon. Maybe it IS time to hang up her racquet! HA! Just kidding–I’m still more a fan of her game than her candies.

  2. Super interesting to hear from someone who actually tasted her candy (which I was always skeptical of). Your review only cemented what I wasn’t going to do anyway which is to pay an absurd amount because it has Sharapova’s name on it. Keep the snark. It fits you well and we do love that!

    1. Yeah, they’re a little pricey. I wonder how much a 5-ounce package of Gummi Bears are. I’m going to have to look that up. Anyway, no worries about losing the snark. If I couldn’t write snark, my posts would be three sentences long!

  3. So an order of 12 five-ounce packages of Haribo Gummi Bears goes for $14.29 on Amazon. That works out to $1.19 per bag. But does Haribo look like a supermodel? Does Haribo have a career Slam? No. Case closed.

  4. Deb, You are so funny and such a great writer! I’m not even a tennis fan but who cares when your posts are so much fun to read? Laughed out loud about Sporty’s flavor life span, and “At that point you might as well be chewing a Post-It.” This is comedy gold! Keep it coming!

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