As promised, we’ll devote this week’s face-off to the latest prints from Lotto. I want to say right off the bat that I have nothing against prints. In fact, I recently told my daughter that at this point in my life, I prefer a top with a print because it deflects attention away from my aging face. Without missing a beat, she pointed at her chest and acted out a confrontation with some imaginary man: “Hey, buddy! My eyes are down here!”
She cracks me up.
So I’m all about prints these days, but there has to be balance. There has to be proportion. Most of all, there has to be an attractive print. Sorry, Lotto, but yours don’t cut the mustard.
Let’s consider this number worn by Lesia Tsurenko:
I’m at a loss as to how to describe this pattern. From a distance, it reminds me of a space theme on boys’ pyjamas. But zooming in, I see it’s…geometric? Tropical? Shouldn’t I be able to tell? And what’s with the small yellow-orange detail right in the middle of the torso, a color that isn’t echoed anywhere else on the garment?
For the record, this outfit looks no better from the back. The single photo I found inadvertently reveals more of Tsurenko than you’d want to see, but trust me. The back’s just as busily unfocused as the front.
Next let’s look at the same player in what we’ll call the Rorschach dress.Embed from Getty Images
Study the pattern and tell me what you see. A snake charmer? Two bears dancing? Oreo ice cream?
Lotto smartly opted to break up the ink blots with some solid black on the back. Unfortunately, the fabric in the back drapes much longer than the front, the material swishing around like a satiny goth wedding train. Check it out from the side…Embed from Getty Images
What a strange combination.
To be fair, this dress does look much better on Kristyna Pliskova, below.Embed from Getty Images
The print and the train don’t completely overwhelm her long, lanky frame. At six feet, Pliskova is only three inches taller than Tsurenko, but those three inches make a world of difference.
But even Pliskova’s long, lanky frame can’t save this last Lotto print…Embed from Getty Images
There’s only one possible name for this dress–Garden Fairy. No one over the age of five should be parading around in this getup. The only thing missing is a pair of wings.
It’s a double poll day! Leave some snark in the comment section, and have a fantastic weekend!
**Alternate title for this post: “All the Print that’s Fit for News”
Wozniacki and Giorgi have worn attractive print outfits – much better than these!
Agreed, although being better than these isn’t saying very much. Actually, in a small dose, the Rorschach print isn’t bad–but there’s just too much going on with that dress. Almost like it was designed by committee.
The Rorschach print seems fine to me, but lose the black fanny skirt!
Yeah, the ink blots aren’t so bad. The overall dress is just way too busy.
I can’t vote–all three are too hideous. But I love your alternative title. And your daughter’s crack cracked me up too.
I don’t know. I wouldn’t wear any of them, but Garden Fairy is in a league of its own.
Sorry, “older ladies”, but print #1 should be called “Older Lady One-Piece Bathing Suit” pattern. Rorschach test: I see black and white tie dye. Not a fan of color tier dye, so black and white is definitely out. Print #3 would look bad even without the frilly tutu. I think they realized the print itself looked ridiculous, so they added the tutu as a way of saying “See! We were only kidding!!!” in order to save face.
The tutu takes it all, and that’s saying something after the black oh-is-my-slip-hanging-out skirt?!!! I have seen some little boy pajamas that match the first outfit perfectly!! thanks for another good laugh.
I shouldn’t have even included Garden Fairy in this poll. How could anything else “win”? It should have a post all to itself. As for the slip, that’s exactly what it looks like, but you’re dating us! The youngsters don’t have any idea what a slip is.
My vote on the Rorschach print is tarantula. Not sure what that says about me.
I agree that the Garden Fairy was too skewed. And yeah, the tutu, the black slip, the orange blob — is this someone’s idea of a joke? Let’s take gorgeous bodies and make them look hideous. Or maybe they’re thinking the competitors will get distracted and miss their shots? That tutu is enough to throw off a game.
Love the wisecrack! Brilliant.
Yes, I keep imagining the Lotto executives snickering at their players in these outfits. How else can you explain Garden Fairy other than malice? It’s just beyond comprehension.