My apologies for the late edition of the worst-dressed poll. I had the post ready to go yesterday, but the images weren’t embedding. What good is a fashion face-off without images? My descriptive powers only go so far.
Distressingly, all of today’s nominees are my compatriots. How can this be? Are we really that fashion-challenged? Or could it be that spectacular failure is the risk that accompanies bold and innovative thinking, and that fearlessly embracing that risk is what exemplifies the best of the American spirit?
Yeah, let’s go with that.
Now, quick, before the images stop embedding again, let’s vote for the
worst dressed boldest and most innovative player at the French.
Unsightly American #1: Serena Williams
I know, you’re probably thinking, “What’s wrong with that dress? She looks lovely.” And I would agree with you except I saw this outfit’s alternate version in Serena’s first match:
Let me assure you this is not a wardrobe malfunction. The rest of the skirt isn’t caught under the belt. And it’s not a bad camera angle, either. This is how the outfit looked for the entire match.
The Williams sisters are beautiful, but they are quite the exhibitionists when it comes to their butts. Do you remember this Venus Williams number from 2010?
I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask this, but will everybody please put their butts away when they take the court? Your cooperation is appreciated.
Unsightly American #2: Sofia Kenin
I love the feisty American with her relentless can-do spirit. If I were in a charitable mood, I might use “feisty” to describe this dress, but relentless feels more apt. Are anyone else’s eyes bleeding right now? (Not shown are her matching sneakers. You’re welcome.)
And what’s up with the neckline? Why would anyone want to compete in a mock turtleneck? Moreover, why is it black and white stripes? Did Fila run out of material and just grab some random remnant off the cutting room floor?
Unsightly American #3: Reilly Opelka
Opelka’s not a big name in the sport, so I had trouble finding an image that captures the utter odiousness of this Fila outfit. You’ll just have to take my word that Opelka’s rocking A LOT of pink tie-dye. Add in the hair and the beard, and that Occam’s-razor fashion-challenged theory starts looking more persuasive.
There we have it, the three fugliest getups at the French. I think I know who’s going to “win,” but you guys have surprised me before. There’s no such thing as a shoo-in when it comes to fashion face-offs.