Have no fear. I didn’t forget about the worst-dressed Australian Open players, as much as I might like to. There really were some doozies this year, although I suspect our first nominee will run away with this thing.
Nominee #1: Grigor Dimitrov
There’s nothing new I can add to the derision already heaped on this eyesore. The handsome Bulgarian sure looks comfy in his PJs. Only two things are missing: footies and a butt flap.
Nominee #2: Petra Kvitova
Can a dress look washed out and loud at the same time? Apparently so. The Czech player sports Nike’s softer pastel version of the psychedelic cow print. In trying to be both edgy and traditional, the dress ends up appealing to no one.
Nominee #3: Tennys Sandgren
Sometimes at night, you think about the day ahead. Maybe you’ve got a dreaded performance review at your downsizing company. Or maybe you’re scheduled to play Roger Federer. Your mind turns to dark thoughts. You down one too many beers and stay up later than you should. The next morning you sleep through the alarm and end up throwing on whatever random clothes you can find in the pile on the floor before dashing, unwashed and uncaffeinated, out the door.
I’m not saying that’s what happened here. I’m just saying.
Now for the bonus Oscars poll! Did you see Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig’s hilarious presentation skit? It was a highlight of the show. Their gowns, on the other hand… I can’t decide which I dislike more, Maya’s potato sack or Kristen’s lasagna noodle.