As promised, we’ll devote this week’s face-off to the latest prints from Lotto. I want to say right off the bat that I have nothing against prints. In fact, I recently told my daughter that at this point in my life, I prefer a top with a print because it deflects attention away from my aging face. Without missing a beat, she pointed at her chest and acted out a confrontation with some imaginary man: “Hey, buddy! My eyes are down here!”
She cracks me up.
So I’m all about prints these days, but there has to be balance. There has to be proportion. Most of all, there has to be an attractive print. Sorry, Lotto, but yours don’t cut the mustard.
Let’s consider this number worn by Lesia Tsurenko:
I’m at a loss as to how to describe this pattern. From a distance, it reminds me of a space theme on boys’ pyjamas. But zooming in, I see it’s…geometric? Tropical? Shouldn’t I be able to tell? And what’s with the small yellow-orange detail right in the middle of the torso, a color that isn’t echoed anywhere else on the garment?
For the record, this outfit looks no better from the back. The single photo I found inadvertently reveals more of Tsurenko than you’d want to see, but trust me. The back’s just as busily unfocused as the front.
Next let’s look at the same player in what we’ll call the Rorschach dress.Embed from Getty Images
Study the pattern and tell me what you see. A snake charmer? Two bears dancing? Oreo ice cream?
Lotto smartly opted to break up the ink blots with some solid black on the back. Unfortunately, the fabric in the back drapes much longer than the front, the material swishing around like a satiny goth wedding train. Check it out from the side…Embed from Getty Images
What a strange combination.
To be fair, this dress does look much better on Kristyna Pliskova, below.Embed from Getty Images
The print and the train don’t completely overwhelm her long, lanky frame. At six feet, Pliskova is only three inches taller than Tsurenko, but those three inches make a world of difference.
But even Pliskova’s long, lanky frame can’t save this last Lotto print…Embed from Getty Images
There’s only one possible name for this dress–Garden Fairy. No one over the age of five should be parading around in this getup. The only thing missing is a pair of wings.
It’s a double poll day! Leave some snark in the comment section, and have a fantastic weekend!
**Alternate title for this post: “All the Print that’s Fit for News”